In Praise of Grief:

This is not an original idea, but in a pleasure-driven society, it is an idea worth re-visiting. To begin, are you happy? If you answer “yes” then congratulations. You have achieved the American Dream. If you answer “no” then walk to the nearest book store, and buy a book about achieving happiness. Lose that weight. Take that vacation. Find that lover. Whatever you do, get happy.

My next question is: why are you worried about being unhappy? Is there something fundamentally wrong or sinful about this state? No, there is not.

It has come to my attention that life would be easier if I just didn’t care. If I didn’t care that my brother and his wife had lost their first child, if I didn’t care that my grandfather died, if I didn’t care that my uncle was in the hospital not responding to treatments for pneumonia, then life would be a lot less painful. Then again, that wouldn’t be much of a life.

Have you thought about how hard it is to love? Love bears all things; love believes all things; love hopes all things; love endures all things. To love is a tall order. It hurts, but it defines life.

To end, I ask permission to grieve. Let me not seek pleasure for awhile, because that is an okay thing to do.

happy new year

Well, we find ourselves in 2009 already. Oh boy, it is a new year filled with a bunch of new adventures, I hope. I've neglected my blog, and I feel ashamed. It's like ignoring an orpphaned child. I've shoved it aside and occupied myself with too many fruitless activities (like facebook---it's way too addictive for anybody's good), but I'm back!

I'm poised for action, and waiting for adventure...the anticipation is tangible enough to taste. Wheaton won't know what's hit them. Everyone on campus will know ME. bahahahhah. Not really, but this semester I am hoping to find new stories, make more memories, meet lots of people, and get my GPA up to snuff (woops, sorry about last semester mum and dad). I'll be keeping you updated as best I can. Until then, I'm signing out.

Peace.

Thought for the day:

So I can’t remember what exactly I was conflicted about on November 11, but I’m sure it was angsty. I can only cling onto my teenage angst for another year. Being 19, my time to use that excuse is running out. What will I turn to in my twenties? I can’t use mid-life crisis because I’m banking on my twenties not being the middle of my life. If they were, that would mean I’d live till my forties, and that’s just too short. Then again, I’m not afraid to die. Death has lost its sting, if you know what I mean.

It’s kind of sweet to live under that reality, and when I say sweet, I mean it too. I’m not throwing that term out like so many generic, over-used adjectives. For example, “awesome”—I throw the word “awesome” around so frequently that I can only come to two conclusions. Either I am easily awe-inspired or I don’t use the word correctly. To be struck with awe is something that should be reserved for incredible things not common-place events….I’ll work on that.

Anyways it is Thanksgiving break, and I’m glad to be home. I have to be honest, though. I was not looking forward to this break. I didn’t want to come home. My last time here was difficult. Attending your grandfather’s funeral is not something you want to do. He was a great man, a quiet man, a gentle man, a loving man, a generous man, a wise man, but most of all he was my grandpa. I miss him.

Despite my misgivings, however, this break has been wonderful. Rarely have I been so encouraged. I’m discovering how much my family loves me. Not only do they love me, but they also respect me. I’ve had so many projects hanging over my head, that I’ve spent half my time this break huddled in a corner, clicking at a keyboard. They have given me the space and permission to do that. Thank you.

Now for some updates: I’ve started a writing and literature group at Wheaton. Yay! As of now we only have three members (me being one of them), but it is still fun. The two boys, Caleb and Jeremy, are full of ideas. Whenever our group meets, I get all excited and start talking faster. We just finished reading Stephen King’s book, On Writing, and are now working on writing short stories.

Side note: I talk faster and gesticulate more whenever I’m talking about English. I’m a nerd. Oh I also love editing. It is invigorating, and I’ve come to a point where people are giving me their stuff to peruse and edit. Their trust gives me hope that pursuing a career in English is not a vain hope.

That’s all for now. I need to be writing Anthropology paper. Peace.

I'm conflicted.

That's all I have to say right now. I hope to expound on that soon, but right now I should go to bed, and my computer is about to die anyways.

Another thing about twitter

The first person I use in Twitter is not always me. Sometimes it's the voice of another character :)

Fall Break 08

For those of you who don't know, I went camping over fall break in Southern Indiana at Hoosier National Park. It was beautiful. I never knew Indiana had topography...


The first place we camped had a cave system running right underneath it. That's the mouth to the cave.



We had fun exploring.



I had fun trying to climb up tiny creavices.


Mmm. pretty




Oh and of course there was a lot of tasty camp food (I'm not being sarcastic either)