The Saga Begins Again...

I find myself at college once again. I write this as if I’m surprised. Well, I am surprised. What happened in between May 9th and September 16? For those of you who haven’t heard the story and for those of you who have, here it is. I’ll try to write as much as I can about what I’ve done, what I’ve been through, and what I’m going through. This is going to be an update of epic proportions which might take several posts…oh boy, I’m already feeling overwhelmed, but I’m biting the bullet and clicking the keys. Here I go.

May 9th I finished my last exam. School was out, and I was headed home by the 11th. I spent the next week at home, trying to catch my breath before I plunged into the summer. I had signed up for Wheaton’s Student Leadership School (SLS). Before this, I had dabbled with the idea of going on an archaeological dig in Israel. After prayer and lots of thinking, I instead signed up to take classes for 5 weeks and counsel for 7 up in Three Lakes, Wisconsin. Looking back, it seems fantastic/unreal that I could have been on the other side of the globe frying like a steak in the dessert…I’m so glad I chose Wisconsin, no matter how exotic an ancient dig sounds. Nothing could top my experience this summer. I have never been so emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally drained while simultaneously feeling on fire about God, life, love, and everything in between.

I arrived at HoneyRock camp after a grueling 17 hour drive. Did you know it takes 7 hours to drive through Wisconsin, top to bottom? That state is outrageously long. Anyways, I arrived in a state of shock, that was not eased when I realized I only knew two people in the program: Robin and Nate. Robin had been with me the previous year when I did HoneyRock’s Wilderness Passage Program. She knows me inside and out. Nate, on the other hand, I barely knew. At one point in the summer, Nate came up to me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I said sure, and then he told me, “Deanna and Frappo said I should become better friends with you. That’s what I’m doing.” And so Nate and I became best friends. Since then he’s made me pinky promise that I’ll let him be my kids’ godfather…Nate, it might be awhile.

Going into the unknown like this was somewhat horrifying. When placed in a new situation, I normally shut down. I duck my head and cover. After assessing the new environment, I might resurface and begin the slow process of making friends. This time, however, I was determined to do it differently. The moment I arrived, I began to act out the biggest lie of my life. I pretended I was confident. Hahah. I was perpetually in fear, but no one knew. In fact, people were surprised when I told them I only knew Robin and Nate. Everyone assumed I knew the whole staff before coming. It is still the greatest farce I have ever pulled.

I am still not sure the exact moment when I stopped acting confident, and realized I actually was confident. This was a new, unsettling discovery. It was sort of cool. I had found confidence in being a daughter of the Creator of the Universe. Once I realized my place in this world as one of His children, the things of this world started to fade. As I gained confidence I also lost my fears. I forgot my irrational fear of fires, bugs, and swimming in murky water. I soon heard myself agreeing to go bridge jumping, white-water canoeing, and rock climbing at every opportunity I got. Somehow I even agreed to participate in a fifty-four mile canoe race. Sadly, it was canceled…maybe next year. I had discovered a passion to test myself physically and live life to its fullest potential.

Nevertheless my biggest discovery came when the campers arrived. I have always enjoyed working in nursery or helping my mom with art day camps, but I have never been involved in intense youth ministry before this summer. After a few days with the kids, however, I discovered another passion. I loved pouring myself into these little campers. The more I gave, the more they gave back. It was not me, however, that loved them. It was God loving them through me. I discovered that I had been wired to be a tool for God. I realized that if I walk with open eyes, open ears, and open hands, there is no limit to what God can do. He will willingly make, mold, and use me for His work.

Even with these discovers, I was still often blind and stubborn to what God would have me do. I’ll never forget a particular Saturday, when I broke. It had been a trying session. Like the rest of SLS staff, I was sick, and I had repeatedly failed to give my campers the 100% they deserved. I simply was not loving them or serving them to my fullest potential, and I was kicking myself for it. That Saturday I realized that I was failing because I was trying to love these girls by my own power. In my arrogance, I had pushed God aside and thought I could do it on my own. It was not until I let God back in that I was able to serve these kids.

I might be getting a bit preachy, but I’m not going to apologize. God is a big part of my life. I can’t help but talk about Him…This summer has so many snapshots that I want to talk about, but I’m going to have to finish in other posts. (My computer is about to die).

Oh and one more thing, I got my internet working! That means I’m back in the blog world. I’ve missed y’all.